This morning I read an article in our local newspaper that reinforced how important it is for parents to reconnect during date nights. This is especially true for parents with babies and toddlers.  This stage is a difficult transition in a marriage which makes it even more important to get out, just the two of you.

Many parents make excuses about why they “can’t” do a date night. It might be financial or finding a sitter. One thing to consider… is it easier to seek out solutions to these obstacles or repair a marriage that has suffered from the loss of intimate time together?

If finances are a consideration, be creative and think of an inexpensive way to spend time together. The typical date night of dinner and a movie, plus a sitter can get expensive. I have to contemplate if the movie is worth the expense.  Is it one we have been looking forward to or does it really benefit from the “big” screen? If so, we may eat at home or go to an inexpensive restaurant. A couple of ideas to consider include free community events, a picnic, tennis, bowling, coffee shop and dessert, zoo, museum or a diner for burgers and then share a shake. Anything that encourages talking about events outside the home is a plus.   

It isn’t so much about what you do as it is setting up a place to communicate. Some of our best dates were doing some of the same things we did when we dated. We wanted to spend time together talking and making plans for the future. Take some time together after the kids are in bed and work on a list of some inexpensive ideas that sound fun. This gives you last minute ideas or gives you insight into what your spouse would enjoy. Take turns planning and occasionally set up a “surprise” date.

If finding or affording a sitter is an obstacle, consider some alternatives. Do you have any family close by that can help (grandparents, aunts, sisters, etc.)? It can be difficult to ask sometimes, but most are receptive if it works for both sides. We are lucky enough to have one grandmother in the same city and another close by. They are willing when asked and it provides quality time with the grandkids. I also have a sister in the same city and we occasionally help each other out.

One of the best solutions we found was shared babysitting with 2 other couples. We called it “Babysitting Coop” and started this when our first child was 6 months old.  We each had babies that were within 3 months of each other. We would take turns babysitting the kids, while the other two couples had a “date night”. We tried to schedule it about twice a month.  Over the course of 6 weeks you, would watch all the kids one night and then have two date nights. We kept this going for about 8 years and ended up with 8 kids total at the end. By the time the second group of kids came around they would help or we would keep them busy with some fun activities. If it was a difficult night with fussy babies, you could tell yourself you had two date nights coming! My kids still ask me when we are going to do “Coop” again. They loved it and always looked forward to it (almost as much as we did those date nights)!

Shared babysitting can be between family or friends and works best for kids that are close to the same age. We also scheduled a few months in advance.  You will have to deal with some difficult situations (discipline, etc.) so choose wisely. Find another couple that shares the same values and discipline ideas. Before you begin, sit down and discuss how you want it to work out, how often, bedtimes, when can you drip off, how late can the kids be picked up, etc.

I highly recommend looking for another couple or two that you can “share babysitting”. This always guaranteed a scheduled date night and saving money on a sitter was a huge plus!

Do you have any ideas or suggestions that will help date nights work when you need to consider finances and sitters?

Click here to read Houston Chronicle's "Date Night Can Help Couples Work on Their Marriage"

Links below to other MomsMaterial related articles

Baby Sitting Co-op

This was intended as a birthday party game, but when you have several children over the age of 5, this would be fun to try - Make Your Own Game.