Online Safety

Woman Becomes a Victim of Cyberbullying Over Her Choice of Facebook Friends

camm@momsmaterial.com — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 04:19:41 GMT

I don’t know why, but I am still surprised when I find adults behaving as though they are still in high school.

When I read Karen Jones (Jones to the Grindstone) post that addresses adult cyberbullying, I asked her permission to share it with my readers. As an Internet Safety Advocate and mother of two tweens, I hear cyberbullying incidents similar to this on a daily basis. The main difference in this incident is that it involves adults, not teens.

The cyberbullying began when one woman accepted a Facebook Friend request that upset another Facebook Friend. What follows reminds me of typical behavior in a high school. All I can say is, I am thankful I made it through my teens without a permanent digital record of the choices I made back then.

Bully in the Cyber Shop by Karen Jones

Terri West, 41, of West University Place, Texas, checked her email on a summer’s day and opened a Pandora’s Box.

“You are truly a piece of shit … If you ever so much speak my name again, I will use each and every sorted [sic], little thing you have shared with me as well as those you did not against you, “ wrote West’s former friend in the email, “Do I make myself clear?”

It was clear alright — West was the target of a cyber bully.

Websites, like Cyberbullying.org, describe the offense as “spreading malicious rumors through emails, texts, or websites.” Bill Belsey, a cyberbullying expert, says the purpose of these digital attacks is “… to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior … to harm others.” The bullying, with none of it face-to-face, can cause psychological distresses, like depression and anxiety, to grab hold of the victim.

This falling out started because the cyberbully did not approve of West’s selection of Facebook friends. This caused a “defriending” episode that heightened hostilities. When West, a platinum blond, and her prior friend, a raven brunette, were unable to reach a truce, the digital melee began.

Despite the cautionary email, West continued to mention her cyberbully’s name. More clashes ensued.

Then, the cyberbully followed through on her threat. The sour emails sent out to numerous mutual friends stated West’s alleged mental illness, “a sick woman,” and suggested that West is a pathological liar.

Also, the bully posted Facebook status updates that bashed an unnamed person’s credibility and class. Nearly 150 mutual Facebook friends could see these pointed remarks in their status update feeds.

These cyber actions caused West, a Pepperdine University alumna and a clinical director of physical therapy at her place of employment, embarrassment and raw fear: that of losing friends and respect in her community.

As the situation escalated, West began to feel a sense of social isolation. She didn’t know if it was real or imagined. West relayed her feelings using the “five stages of grieving model,” made popular in Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ book, On Death and Dying (1969):

1. Denial. “She wouldn’t ever do this to me. No, I’m untouchable. I’m protected as her friend. She is loyal to me and there’s no way I could disappoint her the way others have. No.”

2. Anger. “Why is she pissed at me and lashing out at me when I am not the root or source of her troubles? How dare her spread lies about me and project her reality on to me. She wants to shame me … She wants me to carry her shame. I can’t believe she is falling for her own lies.”

3. Bargaining. “Okay, I will write a heartfelt email explaining my side of the story, explain things from my perspective. … I can just own my part and make amends for my actions and that will soften her heart and she’ll realize her part as well. Then, we can move on peacefully, like two grown women.”

4. Depression. “Oh well, people are going to believe what they want and it really doesn’t matter at this point … I’m so alone. Everyone is going to believe her and hate me. Am I a bad person? … What is my part? How come I got into this situation? What is it about me that draws this drama?”

5. Acceptance. “I did what I thought was right at the time. I am imperfect and probably could have avoided this situation. … This person is acting out of her own hurt, pain, and anger, a family of junk origin. This too shall pass.”

Chelsea Itson, a confessed cyberbully, wrote the article, “Adult Cyberbullying,” posted on Overcomebullying.org. “Remember that bullies are often lacking something crucial in their lives and they seek pain in others …,” stated Itson.

She advises the victim to not respond to the bullying, but instead document everything and possibly report it to authorities. Currently, cyberbullying is a crime in some states, but not a crime on the federal level.

Cyberbullying.org has a link, “What can be done now?” It offers suggestions on how to handle the cyberbully. At the top of the list is, again, the advice to ignore the bully. The explanation states, “They are trying to mess with your mind and control you, to put fear into you. Don’t give them that pleasure.”

Unlike West, some people cannot work their way through the misery and manage the hassles. There are cases of cyberbullying’s trauma being linked to suicides, like Megan Meier of Missouri and Ryan Halligan of Vermont, both teenagers.

Original post can be found at Karen’s blog, Jones to the Grindstone.

Thank you, Karen for sharing this story.

I was introduced to Karen on Facebook (click on the link and become a Facebook Fan) through some mutual friends. Although we are both from Houston and graduated from the same high school, we did not meet back then. OK, it was due to the age difference, and yes, I am older. Although this post reflects a more serious side, she has a wicked sense of humor.

Jones To The Grindstone's Karen Jones puts into words what others are thinking. She will often add unique photojournalism to hammer the point home. She is currently attending Harvard University as a master's degree candidate in Liberal Arts, Journalism.

About Karen

I am a native of Houston, Texas, where I was raised in the same house and attended Houston ISD schools (Lee High School) until I left in 1988 for Texas A&M University in College Station.

Career-wise, I have mostly just had “jobs”, with no significant career path. By far, my most encompassing employment has been being a wife/military spouse/mom (occurring in that order). Even though none of those have produced a paycheck or any awards of recognition, they are all important and have momentous impact on many. Another “biggie” was taking on the elementary school’s PTA as President. Mock if you will, but that taught me so much about leadership, dealing with people, and the importance of volunteerism in the community. (Although, currently I am in recovery. I ODed on that thankless, beat-up job).

Lucky for me, I have finally found something that I truly enjoy doing: writing, before I turned 40. I grew up in a solidly “scientific” family. Stupidly, it never occurred to me to pursue this avenue of writing because it was not done in my childhood family.

After a fruitful series of events, a writing opportunity fell into my lap. And, well, here I am. Thankfully, I am currently published in an alternative bi-monthly paper, The 11th Hour, in Macon, Georgia. I write a column about my experiences of being a military spouse.

In June 2009 I began a Masters of Liberal Arts in Journalism program at Harvard. I want to improve my writing, learn the tricks of the trade, and quit making rookie mistakes. I have a lot to learn!

Cammie Moise

Want to get posts like these delivered straight to your email so you don’t miss the latest articles? Then sign up for MomsMaterial’s free email subscription and stay up to date on the latest parenting articles, tips and tricks. Interested in keeping your family safe online or managing your online reputation? Then check out our other site, CyberSafeFamily.

Be sure to “Like” MomsMaterial on Facebook and follow MomsMaterial on Twitter @MomsMaterial.

My Guest Post on Verizon’s At Home Blog – 10 Tips for a Cyber Safe Family

camm@momsmaterial.com — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 20:13:20 GMT

This week I did a guest post on Verizon’s At Home Blog, “10 Tips to Make Sure You Have a Cyber Safe Family”.

Most of you know that I am a big fan of Verizon Wireless and have been one of their loyal customers for over 10 years. I have found their customer service excellent. I have had to deal with customer service on several issues and have always found them to go above and beyond the normal service.

A few months ago, I was about to give an Online Safety & Reputation Management Presentation to a group of 7th grade girls. About 30 minutes before the presentation, I realized the Wi-Fi service was not working. I called the Verizon Wireless store that happened to be across the street and they had a solution. I raced over there with my laptop and within 10 minutes they set up my computer. I made it back to the community center with time to catch my breath. If you have spoken in public, you know how important it is to relax and stay focused. Their customer service that day was a life saver.

I am excited to work with Verizon and educate families on staying safe in today’s cyber world. I am posting a portion of the article below, please click on the link below to read the entire article.

10 Tips to Make Sure You Have a Cyber Safe Family

Parents have a new responsibility for keeping our families safe online. Many parents are still embracing technology, while it is a part of our child’s everyday life. One of my goals as an Internet safety advocate is to educate families on both the good and bad of the Internet.

I am a big fan of technology and the Internet. I love the ease of “Googling” for answers. I enjoy social networking and can often be found on Facebook or Twitter. I have personally experienced the positive and negative aspects of being online, and I’ve developed a list of tips to help your family become cyber safe while using and enjoying the Internet:

Know the top internet safety concerns
Have online rules and use a Family Internet Safety Contract
Install filtering or blocking programs
Discuss online safety with your kids on a regular basis
Monitor online activity
Ask kids about their favorite websites
Discuss online safety related news stories
Know the capabilities of all digital devices and cell phones
Understand what your online reputation and how it can create opportunities or have negative consequences
Stay up to date and educated on the latest technology trends that can impact your family

Each of these tips is discussed in the original article. I would appreciate it, if you would read the entire article on Verizon's At Home Blog and post a comment. That way, not only will I know you were there, but Verizon can get some feedback. Which could lead to another opportunity to guest post again.

If you are looking for a great Internet Safety Program for you or your kids, click on the link below to find out more information on the program my family used.

I-Net Safety Parent or I-Net Safety Student

Thanks,

Cammie

Cammie Moise

Do You Use a Family Internet Safety Contract?

Top 10 Internet Safety Concerns for Parents

What Does Your Online Behavior Teach Your Kids?

What Parents Need to Know About Facebook

Our Family is our Responsibility by Christopher Burgess

Bringing Us Back to the Basics of Online Safety and Security

10 Ideas to Help Keep Kids Safe and Occupied During the Summer

Our Family is Our Responsibility by Christopher Burgess

camm@momsmaterial.com — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 06:45:00 GMT

Today’s Guest Post is from Christopher Burgess. He originally posted this on his own personal blog, Veritate et Virtute. As soon as I read this and heard his video responses, I asked him if I could post it at MomsMaterial in order to share it with my readers. Thank you, Christopher for all you do to keep us safe in business, in our personal life and with our families.

Online Safety: Our Family is Our Responsibility by Christopher Burgess

I recently spoke at an event in Seattle on the security aspects of Social Media, both from the business and personal perspective. One question which I fielded surrounded whether or not there is risk to children via the various social media networks (i.e., Facebook) or should one accept that if someone really wants to hurt my family they don't need Twitter to find us. First the observation is absolutely spot-on - a miscreant doesn't need Twitter or Facebook to find you, there are a myriad of other means available. My response:

The reality is that the social networks allow those with malevolent intent to find your family via social networking, a capability that didn't exist 20 years ago, and this is, therefore, another avenue available to identify and target individuals and their families. Thus, I think each of us should be mindful of the actions we take in sharing our family's data, and work to bring the odds of something happening to you or your family to as close to zero as possible.

The next question, also touching on family safety came from the context of whether or not the platform was receiving too much of the blame in the privacy discussion. The question centered on where I thought the line is between personal responsibility and the responsibility of the platform creator. My response:

You are responsible for you, and you absolutely should have the expectation that a platform will inform you if they are going to adjust their http://www.momsmaterial.com"settingshttp://www.momsmaterial.com" in any manner which may adjust your decision making. Anything less, in my opinion, is social irresponsibility, you must be given the opportunity to remove your data if the regime protecting your data changes.

Each of us have our own barometer as to what is and isn't an acceptable level of information being shared on the various online and social media networks. Investigate and understand how to put the appropriate privacy settings into place.

In sum, our families are our responsibilities, don't proxy this to anyone or any service provider.

Thank you for your time.
All the best,
Christopher

Thank you Christopher for continuing to share information on keeping our families safe online.

About Christopher Burgess

Christopher Burgess resides in Woodinville, WA. He is an author/speaker on intellectual property, intelligence, security, safety, education and awareness, with a focus on the online protection and safety of families, to include both the young and elderly. His published works (books, articles, audio pod-casts and video presentations can be found on his web page http://www.secretsstolen.com and his personal blog where he notes “I speak from the heart and shine light upon the many safety, security and humanitarian issues” can be read at http://www.veritate-et-virtute.com. Christopher is also the Senior Security Advisor to a Fortune 100 company, and can be contacted via his private email address: cburgess[at]att[dot]net. You can follow him on Twitter @BurgessCT.

Do You Use a Family Internet Safety Contract?

camm@momsmaterial.com — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 22:06:13 GMT

A Family Internet Safety Contract is a great tool to teach kids how to stay safe online and discuss family rules and expectations.

If you hand the contract to your child and ask them to read and sign without reading through it together, you are missing out on the most important part of the contract...the discussion.

Research shows that about 85% of teens don't tell their parents when they are upset about something that has happened online.

Why don't they tell their parents? They don't know how their parents will react. Will they take the computer away? Will they call the other person's parents? Will they rush up to the school and make a scene? Or will they sit down with their teen, listen and work together on a solution?

When you go through the contract with your child or teen, discuss the safety concerns and talk about steps to take when faced with these issues. Discuss solutions together and add the notes to the contract, so you can refer to them later.

Teens share more information with parents that listen and don't overreact. When parents and teens come up with solutions together, before they happen, teens feel more comfortable sharing these issues.

The contract below can be printed for your family to discuss, make changes if needed and sign. Agree on a place to keep the contract that is close and can be referred to easily. Parents may feel the best place is out in the open next to the computer. Although, that sounds like a good idea, it could be an issue for some teens that don't want their friends to see it. Remember, this is a personal, private contract.

This contract is from MomsMaterial’s sister site, CyberSafeFamily.com which educates parents and families on internet safety.

Family Internet Safety Contract

In exchange for the privilege of having and using digital devices, including a computer and a cell phone, provided by my parents, I agree to the following:

I will give my parents my user names and passwords for all sites I use and I will not share these with anyone else.
I will talk to my parents before setting up social network sites and set privacy settings together.
I will not friend anyone that I do not personally know and have met, without my parent’s permission.
I will not give out personal information including full name, age, address, city, phone numbers, email, school, etc. without my parent’s permission.
I will never agree to meet with anyone offline that I only know “online” without checking with my parents. If we agree it will be in a public place with one of my parents.
I will tell my parents if I receive any messages that make me uncomfortable or are upsetting. We will discuss and agree on appropriate actions, which may include blocking.
I will be a good digital citizen and will not do anything that hurts other people or is against the law. I will not bully anyone online, send or post pictures or video without permission. I will not set up fake profiles or create pages or websites that are mean or intended to hurt someone. I will remove any picture or video that has been requested to be removed.
If I post anything mean or inappropriate I will take responsibility, rectify the situation if I can and accept consequences.
I will not use technology to cheat (schoolwork, games, etc.)
I understand that everything on the internet is not always true or correct. I will verify and use reputable sites for research.
I will not download anything or install software/apps, fill out surveys/contests or give out my email address without my parent’s permission.
I understand that everything I put online (comments, posts, pictures & videos), including anonymous comments, has the ability to become public and remain online forever. I will not post, comment, or send anything that I wouldn’t want my family, teachers, college admissions or future bosses to see.
If I realize my online reputation has been compromised in any way, I will discuss with my parents immediately and take appropriate action.
I will talk to my parents about rules for going online. And we will agree on when, how long and what sites I will visit. I will not access other sites or break these rules without their permission.
I understand that my parents are concerned about my safety and my online reputation. I recognize that my safety is very important and I may disagree with my parents but I will obey their rules.
My parents agree to talk to me about their concerns before automatically saying “no”.
If I “friend” my parents on social network sites, so they can monitor me, they agree not to post anything unless we agree.
We have discussed and I understand the consequences for breaking any part of this contract.

My parents reserve the right to make exceptions, modify, update or add to this contract.

Printable Version of the Family Internet Safety Contract found at CyberSafeFamily.com.

This contract is available for you to print out and use for your family. If you have any comments or additional points, please comment below.

If you are looking for a great Internet Safety Program for you or your kids, click on the link below to find out more information on the program my family used.

I-Net Safety Parent or I-Net Safety Student

Cammie Moise

What Parents Need to Know About Facebook

camm@momsmaterial.com — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 19:02:51 GMT

Let me start off by saying that I love Facebook! I love connecting with friends from the past and staying up to date with my close friends. I enjoy finding useful or entertaining information and sharing it with others. In addition, my friends share great information about parenting, the latest technology and entertainment.

Unfortunately, there is a downside. TMI – too much information can be shared through our status update, photos or comments. We might mention a vacation that is coming up, which informs others when we will be away from our home. We might post pictures or comments that we may not want everyone to see.

I know I have been guilty of TMI or hitting that send button too quickly. Knowing this makes me want to protect my kids as they begin joining social network sites, like Facebook.

As a parent, I need to monitor my kids activities as they learn how to stay safe online. Teens may not realize some of their posts, photos and comments can have severe consequences. Teens have been suspended, kicked off school teams, had a scholarship taken away, didn’t get a job or were not accepted into a college due to their online reputation.

As an Internet Safety Advocate, for CyberSafeFamily.com, I speak locally to schools, PTA meetings, youth groups, churches and community events. Every time I speak to tweens/teens and parents, I discuss Facebook and how it can impact our online reputation.

Exactly who has access to your Facebook profile? Have you checked your privacy settings lately? Do you allow “everyone” or “friends of your friends” access to your profile, status or photos? If so, you might be giving out information that could put you at risk.

When I found out about the Facebook® Guide for Parents webinar, through Ladies Who Launch, I signed up. I listened to the webinar and found out Supreme Social Media put this guide together for parents that want to protect their kids online but can be intimidated by today’s technology. They realized the need for an easy to understand step-by-step guidebook that parents can use with their teens.

This guide sounded like an excellent tool and I thought it would go along well with my online safety presentations. I ordered the book (download version), hard copy and cd package. The download arrived immediately in my inbox and the hard copy arrived a few days later. This was an excellent tool for me and I believe, a “must have” for any parent that has a teen on Facebook.

The Facebook® Guide for Parents is an easy to understand step-by-step guide that helps parents understand all the risks and the steps to take to protect your teens profile (and parents, too).

Did you know that every time your teen becomes a fan, joins a group or adds an application they are exposing their profile information?

Facebook has over 400 million users, is growing daily and puts your child in a public worldwide setting. This increases the chances of your child coming into contact with a predator or stalker. They join some of these same groups and begin friending the members.

Hopefully, you have warned your kids about this danger and they know not to friend anyone they don’t know. But what about their friends, do they accept friend requests from everyone? What about attractive people of the opposite sex? You don’t know the guidelines your friends use when they decide whether or not to friend someone.

Parents need to have a “technology talk”, which includes online safety and managing their online reputation, with their kids on a regular basis.

Ask them if they hears about the latest story involving cyberbullying, sexting, etc. ? Have they heard of anything like that happening at their school? Do they know what to do if it happens to them? Do they know how the school handles these situations? A few of these questions, every once in awhile, can start some great conversations.

I recommend the Facebook® Guide for Parents, written by Supreme Social Media.

Order your own copy by clicking here

Parents will be surprised to learn:

Easily overlooked privacy setting traps
Tips on what to do to about cyber-bullying
Dos and don’ts of interacting with your child on Facebook
Find out how strangers see your child’s page
Learn how joining groups and fanning pages can affect your child’s privacy

Be an educated parent and help keep our kids safe online!

If you want to be an educated parent and find out more about the latest online safety and technology issues that our kids are facing, visit CyberSafeFamily.com and sign up for email updates.

Related articles

The Perfect Gift for a 13 Year Old – A Facebook Profile

What Really Happens After You Hit Send

Top 10 Internet Safety Concerns Parents Need to Know

Norton Releases Kid's Top 100 Searches 2009

My Response to Article, Mother of Bully Says She Just Called Her Names

What Does Your Online Behavior Teach Your Kids

Bringing us Back to the Basics of Online Safety and Security by Christopher Burgess

Disclosure: I purchased my own copy of Facebook® Guide for Parents, written by Supreme Social Media. After reviewing, I signed up for their affiliate program so I can offer this guide to parents when I speak locally (as an Internet Safety Advocate).

If you are looking for a great Internet Safety Program for you or your kids, click on the link below to find out more information on the program my family used.

I-Net Safety Parent or I-Net Safety Student

Cammie Moise

What Does Your Online Behavior Teach Your Kids?

camm@momsmaterial.com — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 20:31:39 GMT

Have you ever thought about what you are teaching your kids about online behavior? Many or you may probably haven’t even thought about this, but it is very important. Our kids need to know about cyber ethics and the importance of your online reputation. They may listen when we sit down and specifically talk to them, but they really learn from watching us.

Bethan Tuttle wrote a post that made me think about the impact I am making with my own kids. They know I am educating parents about online safety through this site, CyberSafeFamily.com and my speaking engagements. Do they see me following my own advice?

I should take every opportunity to point out good and bad online behavior to my kids. I believe it is important for them to see actual examples. Thanks, Bethan!

Modeling Online Behavior for Kids by Bethan Tuttle

(originally posted at SecurityGeekMom.com)

Last Summer, my daughter and I were leaving a mall in Bellevue late in the evening. We had a bag of books, a bag of groceries, and a bag of take-out Thai food, and car keys in hand. On the sidewalk surrounding the mall, we passed a person who asked for money, and I said, “No, best of luck to you”, waited for traffic to pass, and then crossed to where our car was parked -close by & clearly visible.

My daughter said, “It’s good you parked here, because this place is super spooky.” We had a brief discussion about why I parked where I did, the bagger at the grocery asking if we’d like an escort to our car, etc. I modeled three safety behaviors and (what I consider) courtesy, without lecturing or freaking out my kid with statistics on women getting mugged near malls.

How do you do that with online behavior?

Incorporating modeling and transparency around a family’s online behavior is, in my opinion, very important. We really want to know what they’re doing online, and with whom, and yet – do they have any idea what we’re doing? Do they see what ‘friend requests’ we ‘ignored,’ the fit of anger we let pass prior to answering an upsetting email, or websites we avoid because they seemed sketchy?

Right now I’m sitting at my computer, a fantastic HP Pavilion that I love very much even though it’s old. My computer is on the dining table, across from my kids’ computers. This is the only place my computer lives when I’m at home, and while I’m working, typing, and reading, I talk:

As a parent modeling computer behavior, I am not ideal. I’m online too much, I work too much, and I spend more time on my social network than I do with my friends or extended family. To make up for this deficiency, I admit to it and talk about how work, non-profit work, and my own interests contribute to my over-use of computers. I make sure the kids keep their time online to a reasonable amount, and I make sure they prioritize friends, family, beach trips, and soccer over the fascinations of Fantage, pixeling, and CSS.
Check-out this cool website, guys, let’s see who made it.
Holy Cow, this person is so rude on Facebook! I’m not going to reply to her comment, because I don’t want to encourage her. I hope she’s ok, because she’s not usually rude.
Hey, please save your stuff and shut down, I need to run updates; I think we have some kind of network issue. Here, you can help me run updates.
Whoa, I have no idea who this text message is from, and it has an attachment; I’m going to delete it without opening it up. Did you know that your phone can get infected the same way the computer can? Crazy.
Ugh! This page is full of advertisements – I thought it was going to be a news article, but clearly that’s not their priority. Hey – look what happens when I hover over a link: I can see the preview of the URL it’s going to, and it is NOT what it said it would be: this link for “Afghan war” goes to a page with a URL that ends in ‘teeth whitening.’ That can’t be good.
Hey, this website wants to know how much money I make! Why would they need that just so I can check if they have a ___ in stock? I’m looking for the link for their privacy policy, I want to know what they do with my information…

About Bethan Tuttle

Bethan Tuttle is a happy mom of two living just east of Seattle. She’s the Executive Director of CommunityWatch, a non-profit crime prevention organization, and works primarily on issues related to crime prevention and information security. You can find her at securitygeekmom.com and @BethanTuttle.

Check out her website and follow her on twitter, she always shares great information!

Are you a good role model for your kids? Tell us what you do that is good or bad in the comments below.

Cammie Moise

Top 10 Internet Safety Concerns for Parents

camm@momsmaterial.com — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 09:49:26 GMT

When I decided to focus more on internet safety, I put together (with the help of SimpleK12) a list of the Top 10 Internet Safety Concerns for Parents. I recently shared this Top 10 list, along with my Online Safety Presentation, during a PTA meeting. As I was putting my presentation together I realized that I thought the number one concern should be inappropriate material. Based on my recent experiences within our home, this was certainly our number one concern.

As I spoke with other parents I realized they were having some of the same issues. Our elementary school embraces technology and just recently added iTouches, new Mac Computers and USB drives are on our school supply list. Our kids are able to search in the safe environment of our school (which is filtered and protected) but then they come home to use their family computer. Unfortunately, many of these home computers have not been set up to filter out inappropriate material. Some parents think their kids are too young to search for inappropriate material. But if you have been on the computer lately, you know you don’t have to go looking for this material. It comes to you! If you think that your kids are too young to search for certain words, think again. Find out what kids 18 and under are searching for in the article, Top Searches Norton Releases Kid’s Top 100 Searches for 2009.

MomsMaterial’s Top 10 Internet Safety Concerns

Inappropriate Material
Cyberbullying
Online Predators
Sharing Personal Information
Email, IM & Chatrooms
Sharing Pictures & Videos
Cell Phones & Wi-Fi Gadgets
Social Network Sites
Online Gaming
Viruses, Malware & Adware

Over the next few weeks, I will address these top concerns at my newly launched website that focuses on internet safety, CyberSafeFamily. Please stop by and sign up for email updates so you don’t miss any of the latest articles that will help you become a CyberSafeFamily.

If you are looking for a great Internet Safety Program for you or your kids, click on the link below to find out more information on the program my family used.

I-Net Safety Parent or I-Net Safety Student

Cammie Moise

GetGameSmart.com Helps Parents Set Up Family Settings for the Xbox LIVE

camm@momsmaterial.com — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:42:33 GMT

Recently I posted an article about online gaming, What Parents Should Know Before Buying Wi-Fi Gadgets and Video Game Systems for Kids This Holiday. I received a comment about the article from GetGameSmart.com informing me that their website gives parents tutorials on setting controls on Xbox LIVE.

GetGameSmart.com was started by Microsoft to provide parents tools and resources to help them choose the right games, content and online access for their families media choices. This is a great resource for all parents and I highly recommend you check out the site yourself.

Xbox LIVE Family Settings by GetGameSmart.com

To set Xbox LIVE Family Settings for your child, you must first create a Child Membership. Step-by-step instructions for creating a Child's Profile can be found at GetGameSmart.com. Once you've completed this brief process, you will be able to manage the following Xbox LIVE features:

Access to Xbox LIVE: If you decide to block access to Xbox LIVE, you and your family members will not be able to connect to Xbox LIVE to play games, communicate with other gamers or download content.

Online Gameplay: Before you can play multiplayer games online, you need an Xbox LIVE Gold Membership. Once in place, this option allows you to decide whether your child can play Xbox 360™ games online.

Xbox LIVE Vision Cam: You can control how your family can use the Xbox LIVE Vision Cam. You can block all child accounts from using the camera, limit camera use to friends only or allow full access. Additionally, if you experience any problems with gamers on Xbox LIVE using the Vision Camera inappropriate way you can file a complaint by visiting that users gamer profile.

Xbox LIVE Vision Cam:

   1. Select "Everyone" to allow your child to communicate using video chat with anyone on Xbox LIVE.
   2. Select "Friends Only" to allow your child to communicate only with people on their friends list.
   3. Select "Blocked" to prevent anyone from communicating with your child.

Privacy and Friends: You have the power to approve your child's online friends. Options are:

   1. Let your child communicate with anybody, or only with their friends.
   2. Decide who can see your child's personalized gamer profile.
   3. Decide whose gamer profiles your child can see.
   4. Control who sees your child's online or offline status.
   5. Decide whether other people can see your child's friends.

Voice and Text:

   1. Select "Everyone" to allow your child to communicate using voice and text with anyone on Xbox LIVE.
   2. Select "Friends Only" to allow your child to communicate only with people on their friends list.
   3. Select "Blocked" to prevent everyone from communicating with your child.
   4. No matter what the setting, your child will still be able to receive new friend requests for you to approve or block.

Content: Content controls help you set limits on the kind of downloadable content your kids can access including games, television shows, Netflix® movies and member-created content. You can choose to allow your child to search Xbox LIVE for downloadable game updates, demos and other content, as well as content created by other Xbox LIVE members.

With Family Settings, you can be sure that every member of your household is enjoying a fun and safe experience on Xbox LIVE. Visit www.GetGameSmart.com to learn more about the ways you can ensure your family has a safe and balanced gaming experience.

File a Complaint: If you encounter someone who breaks the Xbox LIVE Code of Conduct, you can file a complaint. All complaints are reviewed by Xbox LIVE. However, Xbox LIVE policy does not disclose the status or results of individual complaints.

To file a complaint, press the Xbox Guide button, then select the player's profile and choose File Complaint.

You can find the original article by clicking here.

GetGameSmart.com

This year Microsoft, partnered with over a dozen of the nation’s most prominent children’s media advocacy organizations, are expanding our public service outreach efforts with the Get Game Smart Campaign. The Campaign takes a first-of-its-kind approach to helping parents and kids establish healthy habits for playing video games, watching TV and browsing the Web.

Mission:
The Get Game Smart Campaign will inspire families to take simple steps to help ensure that kids are using media in ways that are safer, healthier and more balanced. It will encourage them to participate in a variety of both online and offline activities with chances to win prizes from Best Buy gift cards, to Xbox game consoles to a family entertainment system valued at $5,000. There’s even a chance for teens and their parents to become Ambassadors for the effort and have their own smart media habits featured in the campaign.

What Parents Should Know Before Buying Wi-Fi Gadgets and Video Game Systems for Kids This Holiday

Cammie Moise

What Parents Should Know Before Buying Wi-Fi Gadgets and Video Game Systems for Kids This Holiday?

camm@momsmaterial.com — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 18:50:03 GMT

Are you considering purchasing gadgets such as an iPod touch, Nintendo DSi or Xbox Live for kids this holiday season? If so, there are several things you should know before purchasing. First of all, please understand that I am not opposed to these Wi-Fi gadgets or video game systems. As a matter of fact, I am sure our family will be purchasing at least one of these as a gift this holiday. But parents need to be aware of the dangers and make informed decisions based on the maturity level of their kids.

Wi-Fi gadgets have the ability to bring friends together to play games and interact, even though they are in different locations. I know my daughter will love playing online games with one of her best friends that recently moved. I think this is a great benefit, but along with this, comes certain dangers that need to be discussed before she goes online. She needs to know what to expect, how to handle certain situations and our family rules. So what are the dangers?

These popular gadgets and games expose kids to inappropriate material, including pornography. In addition, gaming systems such as Xbox Live allow kids to interact with others online as they play games. If they want to play and none of their friends are online, they may choose to play with others they don’t know. This can expose them to inappropriate language including cussing, swearing, racist remarks and threats. Plus, recent reports are suggesting that sex predators are using these online gaming systems to find their next victim.

As I began researching this topic, I ran across an article from Mary Kay Hoal titled, Stranger-Gamer Dangers. Mary Kay Hoal is the founder of Yoursphere, a safe online social network site for kids and teens. I will follow up with more information about Yoursphere, but for now, I want to share this article.

Stranger-Gamer Dangers by Mary Kay Hoal

Moms and dads - the worry doesn't just rest at the doorsteps of social networking sites. Online games seem to attract those that intend our kids harm.

As reported by Aaron Diamant for Todaystmj4.com, "Sex predators have a new hunting ground. One you may not know even exists." The hunting ground he is referring to is online gaming...which is the way video games are moving. Kids can log online and play their favorite video games with other people all over the world. Seems harmless enough... but the real danger is that they can also talk to those stranger-gamers. Department of Justice Special Agent Eric Szatkowski was quoted in the article: "That's one of the risks of giving kids Wi-Fi technology-they can go outside the home and engage in communications that Mom or Dad might not be aware of."

This is a real danger. Diamant reported that a man was arrested in a child porn ring earlier this year, and that prosecutors say he contacted more than a hundred boys through the Xbox Live site. A convicted sex offender mentioned in the article allegedly solicited children in an online game while out on bail.

You might think you can keep tabs on who your kids are communicating with when they play these games online in front of a screen in your own home. But some handheld games like the Nintendo DSI are going online. It will be difficult to monitor who they're talking to when they're away from you.

My recommendation:

Sit down with your kids and have them show you the game.
See the live interaction first hand.
Understand the dialogue functionality (and hopefully limitations).
Learn who is in your child's team or in his/her raid group. (I asked my older son who loves online games to show me his favorite game capabilities from the time he was 14 and 15 and first started playing virtually. I even asked him to type in some expletives and other inappropriate words so that I could "see for myself" that the functionality was there).
Some games have parental controls that allow you to activate the "off switch" so your kids can't interact virtually with someone they don't know.
Don't accept that this is okay for your children and that you have no other choice. Hold the manufacturer accountable for implementing safety-first standards. Contact the manufacturer and require that they do identity verification and a predator check.
Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue.

About Mary Kay Hoal and Yoursphere

Yoursphere is the social network for kids and teens that puts safety first and provides a positive and age appropriate alternative to sites like Facebook and MySpace which were created by adults and intended for adults. I'm a mom of five, and after deciding to check out the sites that were so important to my kids, I was truly disturbed. I found hidden below the surface - that isn’t immediately transparent to every parent like myself - a landscape in these social networking sites to be inappropriate, and often times and in many cases, to be dangerous. I found a culture that focused on sexualizing our kids – either by encouraging them to post explicit photos, or by asking them in appropriate questions. I found that a culture of anonymity provided predatory access to our kids whether by a bully or a registered sex offender.

So, unlike other social networking sites, Yoursphere offers:

Identity verification, predator check, and requires verifiable parental consent.
Participation limited to kids and teens through age 18 (Teens can remain members until they turn 19).
All content is created by kids and teens for kids and teens and focuses on their positive day to day interests: sports, music, fashion, academics, art & photography and more. No worries about adult content. Kids can really be kids without worrying about conforming to an "adult" culture.
An advertisement free community. The (dime a day) membership fee, after a free month trial membership, allows Yoursphere to support its safety measures and provide activities, prizes, and rewards for every member without barraging them with ads.
Scholarships and support of youth-selected philanthropies: 3% of each membership fee is pooled into a scholarship program.
A network kids and teens will love. With plenty of fun activities, and only kids and teen allowed on the site, kids can be themselves, and mom and dad can have peace of mind.

You can Find Mary Kay Hoal on Twitter - @marykayhoal, Facebook, Yoursphere and her blog, Yoursphere for Parents.

Cammie Moise

Bringing us Back to the Basics of Online Safety and Security By Christopher Burgess

camm@momsmaterial.com — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:05:19 GMT

How was your October? For me, October was a spectacular month of change. In the Pacific Northwest where my wife and I reside, we witness the arrival of autumn and the usual adjustments to our life – temperatures slide down the Fahrenheit scale; rain arrives and rivers swell (some flood); and leaves begin their magnificent colorful transformation, literally right before our eyes, and then adorn our forest floors (or our yard). These changes require us to make minor adjustments to our daily routines in order to maintain a modicum of safety, health and comfort, i.e. our tanks and tee’s are replaced by sweaters; slickers and umbrellas adorned the hooks by the door, drains and gutters are cleared to more readily accept the rain and the areas of highest risk are protected with stacked sandbags; and, of course, the camera comes out to memorialize the leaves as they move through the individual spectrums of color and the rake comes out of the shed our lawns remain healthy.

It is fitting, therefore, each October the President of the United States declares October National Cyber Security Awareness Month (NSCAM). Here’s President Obama’s video “Protecting Yourself Online.” In his video the President touched on a number of key points:

Know with whom you are engaged online (the true identity with whom you are exchanging data)
Never give out personal or financial data without knowing with whom you are providing the information (the true identity)
Keep your security software updated
Be alert to Phishing email (suspicious email)

All excellent points, all amongst the most important to consider. I thank the President for his taking the time to address online safety and security.

So, how did you observe the NSCAM? Attend a seminar? Chat with friends or family about online safety concerns? Keep your software and configuration tuned? All of the above? None of the above? For my part, each day I tweeted a daily tip via my Twitter account @BurgessCT. I was especially heartened to see these repeated and was truly surprised to learn that upward of six million sets of eyes potentially read each of my 140 character “Daily Tips.” Each contained advice, guidance or simply food for thought on how you may keep you and your family safe online. None were highly technical, some addressed behavior and all were and are easy to implement. And yes, sometimes one or more of these tips crafted to ensure your family’s online safety and security may be construed as “inconvenient,” which from my optic is minor compared to the value I place on our family’s well being. So here they are (and yes I expanded each ever so slightly):

National Cyber Security Awareness Month Tips 1-31:

Passwords: Practice good cyber-hygiene – Passwords are like toothbrushes – you should not share them with others and you should change them often (every 90-120 days or when they are exposed).
Passwords: Like chewing bubble gum you don’t mix brands or flavors - passwords should follow the same philosophy and be used for one site only. To create a strong password use symbols, numbers and letters – never a word from a dictionary (of any language).
WI-FI: Home or Business wireless networks (WI-FI) – Enable WPA2 encryption with strong passwords. If your router does not support WPA2 encryption, time to upgrade that router to new technology.
WI-FI: Configure your router to suppress the broadcast of your Service Set Identifier (SSID) – why broadcast to the neighborhood your router’s ID?
Guidance & Direction: Guide your young. The internet is to receive information only and not to be used to share information. Only Mom & Dad share information over the internet.
Browser Settings: Web-based email (e.g. Gmail, Hotmail, etc.) configure your browser log-in to HTTPS (S=secure) and avoid having your password sniffed and grabbed when connecting via an open (not secure) network connection. Think of the wireless connection at your local shopping center or coffee shop.
Software Settings: Does your family use Peer-to-Peer (P2P) file sharing? Know your settings. A great technology, appropriately configured, use these thoughts from the Federal Trade Commission to assist you (Tips from the FTC’s OnGuard OnLine)
Computer Settings: Disable Auto-Run – just like putting your safety-belt on when you take your seat in the car, take a primary safety step and anti-virus scan all media being introduced to your PC, even if you received it from a trusted source, their USB/CD/DVD may be ill and contain malware/crimeware and why allow it to infect yours?
Software Settings: Software vendors offer you the option to accept auto updates – DO IT. While it may be construed as inconvenient, realize these updates from the creator are their means by which they close previously unknown vulnerabilities in their products.
Email: Phishing Scams – Guide your family to not reply or click on links within emails asking for personal or financial information.
Computer Settings: Administrator control? Who has control of your computer? Take control, set a unique password so that the computer settings can only be changed by the administrator, you?
Anti-Virus Software: Have it and use it! Auto update both the engine and the data. Don’t ignore warnings. Train your family to call out and alert you when a warning presents itself – don’t ignore these warnings.
Anti-Spyware Software: Have it and use it! As with Anti-Virus don’t ignore the warnings – Spyware is designed to capture your data at the point of entry or harvest your data from your hard drive – why allow it?
Data Backup: Regular data backup(s) should be a part of your security regime. I define data as photos, videos, music, documents, etc. Why? If your device (laptop, pda, etc.) goes down, your data is safe.
Malware/Crimeware: Be wary of ‘scareware’ pop-ups which announce your computer’s compromise and offering you their “free” software to remove – a tried and true technique to have you install malware. (NB: FTC v. Innovative Marketing, Inc., et al – an excellent read of the FTC's Complaint as they took action to protect you, the consumer, and took down a major purveyor of "scareware")
E-mail: If a retailer or vendor asks you to “email your credit or debit card data” – Say “Absolutely Not” and don’t do it.
Browser Settings: Do enable the “Pop-up Blocker” and “Redirect Disable” settings on your browser - this puts you in control of your internet experience.
Firewall: Have it and use it! Think of the firewall as your computer’s guard force – blocking external attempts to communicate with your computer which you haven’t authorized.
System Scans: Security checks for your computer – a list of free scan software from reputable vendors, courtesy of http://www.staysafeonline.org/
Public Computers: Use an internet connection at the library, airport, etc? Clear the browser’s history and cache’s when you are finished to remove “easy” accessibility to the websites you visited (and your personal data).
Electronic Media: Recycling or discarding media? Reformat or degauss your electronic media prior to recycle or discard. This will prevent inadvertent sharing of your personal or business data.
Computer Settings: Do visitors use your computer? Create a guest account with separate log-in for your guests so they have their own environment on the computer w/o access to your personal data or browser history or cookies.
Computer Location: For families, PC’s to be used in a central place – not behind closed doors. All can keep an eye on activities.
Online Friends: Talk to your children about the need to talk to Mom or Dad prior to meeting ANY online friends face-to-face.
Parents Online: Go where your children go online. Browser history will guide you; if history doesn’t exist or has been selectively deleted – time for you to pay attention. (SMS and browser logs on smart phones should also be reviewed periodically)
Chat rooms: Chat rooms are great for learning and sharing, children should obtain Mom or Dad permission prior to joining; Mom & Dad take the time to review and observe the chat room prior to green-lighting the activity.
Data Security: Consider encryption, with a robustly strong key phrase, for your important data (i.e., medical, personal, financial and private). Extend this protection to your data backups.
Chat rooms: Select user-ids which are age and gender neutral, as harvesting userid’s is a first step used by online predators in identifying their victims. “Pineneedle” not “Seattle1084”
Laptop Security: Do you travel with your laptop? Protect it! It is the gateway to your online presence, accounts and hosts your data. See the FTC's Onguard Online which has some great laptop tips.
Internet Connectivity: Know how your children are getting online – home, school, mobile phone, friends, library, etc. Craft appropriate rules and boundaries for each environment.
Reporting: If you believe you have passed your personal identifying information (PII) to a criminal do file a complaint with the FTC (http://www.ftc.gov/) .

Bonus 1: Think of online safety and security practices as a basic extension of your family security plan – no less important than smoke detectors, alarm systems, and how you and your children interact w/strangers.

Bonus 2: Do your children wear their Name, Address and Age on the back of their jacket when playing in the neighborhood? Then why post it on a website’s profile.

Bonus 3: Do you know where your data is stored? Knowing allows protecting. It is important to clear your temporary files and caches, regularly.
---
Online safety is important to me, please make it both important and a priority for you and your family. Going forward, I will craft additional pieces to assist you in keeping your family and loved ones safe and secure online.

I welcome your feedback, and as always thank you for your time
All the best,
Christopher

About Christopher Burgess

Cammie Moise