From Cammie: Here is one more reason I love Twitter, I was able to connect with author, Brenda Nixon. She is a parenting expert, speaker and writer. I wanted to introduce you to her and highlight one of the articles from her website.
Got Whining, Tattling and Tantrums? by Brenda Nixon
Kids whining, tattling and tantruming? How about talking with a mouth full of food, thumb-sucking, nail biting, and nose picking? Welcome to the world of parenting (or working with kids).
When I'm speaking on discipline and talk about passive Time Out - briefly ignoring undesirable or annoying behavior to extinguish it - most parents don't realize that even scolding and yelling are forms of attention. (Kids will take negative attention over none at all.) Be careful, when you get angry and react, you may be teaching the very thing you don't want your child to do.
Ignoring behavior is pretending its not occurring. Hard? You bet! If you've heard me speak on discipline and the power of passive Time Out, you know I preach; do not look at, talk to, touch or respond to your child during the inappropriate or annoying behavior.
"But if I briefly ignore my child, he'll think I approve" parents tell me. If you fear silence equals approval, then make a short, simple statement such as "I don't like it when you whine." Then look away.
Here are the two guidelines for passive Time Out:
• Be consistent with this approach. Ignoring once, and scolding next time, is confusing your child and will likely increase the intensity of the behavior. He/she will think it's necessary to escalate the behavior in order for you to respond. Expect the intensity of the behavior to increase before it decreases!
• Give attention as soon as acceptable behavior begins. Ignoring must be followed by supportive
attention as this teaches your child that appropriate behavior gets your attention.
Remember,
• There are some situations where ignoring is NOT appropriate (when your child is hurting others or property).
• Ignoring IS difficult. . .been there, done that with my daughters. But practice makes permanent.
• Ignoring doesn't always get immediate results. Be patient, persistent, and consistent.
• Ask others in your family to ignore the negative behavior, too, otherwise they'll sabotage your teaching.
You will find more articles like this at www.brendanixon.com. Also, sign up for her weekly tips for daily discipline when you visit her website.
Brenda's Bio
Brenda grew up as the notorious middle child who still dares to color outside the lines. She lives with her husband and two daughters enjoying vacations to the OBX, organic foods, dark chocolate, and garage sales. Her devoted office mates are Opie and Andy...two mini-doxies.
She earned a Masters Degree in Religious Education, worked as a hospital chaplain, parent educator, and then served as the parenting expert on FOX TV4 in Kansas City, while living in Missouri.
In 2001, The Nixon's moved to Brenda's home state, Ohio. Today, she speaks nationally, writes, and teaches on child behavior and parenting.
Author
The Birth to Five Book (Revell/09)
A Scrapbook of Christmas Firsts (Leafwood/08)
You Can Speak (05)
Parenting Power in the Early Years (WinePress/01)
and a contributing author to 24 books.
Brenda Nixon
www.brendanixon.com
Twitter: twitter.com/BrendaNixon
Cammie Moise